I've been away from blogger world and from YOU my bloggy friends but I promise I have a really good reason:D Sunday night I checked out my calendar to see what my week would look like. I quickly realized I had a Pap scheduled for Monday at 11.
Monday morning I get up, do a little cleaning, and as I'm starting to get ready I hear a little voice inside tell me, "ask for a pregnancy test". I'm a little lost and stop to think about it but continue to get ready. A few minutes later, there it goes, "ask for a pregnancy test" by now it's intriging me a little more but I quickly remember that it's on ly day 31 of my cycle, my periods have been late before and I don't think I feel pregnant. I also think there's a lil bit of protection on my heart's part. You see, after trying for a little over 3 years...you've had many negative pregnancy tests, you've been hopeful only to find out you still have an empty womb BUT I never gave up, I still had faith and continued crying out to God! I honestly worked really hard at staying positive, being hopeful and rejoicing even through the neg. tests. God filled me with strength to go through each day and filled my heart with joy! I knew there was always tomorrow and I focused my energy on serving God, on giving Him my best, on obeying His calling for my life. I noticed I had a few minutes so I grabbed a snack and this is what I wanted to read? Huhhhh...Ya think God was up to something???
So I finished getting ready and took off. It was an odd day from the beginning...I get to the doc super early with traffic and all and I get called back right away, I wait like 40 minutes to be seen something that had never happened there before. Dawn, my wonderful Nurse Practioner comes in and looks over my notes. I quickly tell her that I'm loosing alot of hair. She proceeds to ask me if I'm stressed and I say, "YES, I lost my grandfather in Jan, then my aunt in March, then two very good, mother-like ladies early summer and have been going through some "stuff". I tell her that it's been a trying year. She gives me some comforting words and proceeds to the Pap. I noticed she did it quite fast....being in the medical field and assisting in Paps I noticed right away that she didn't do the entire procedure. She then goes on to give me results from a previous exploratory procedure and says everything's ok. I ask her for a referral for lab work to check my hormone level. She asks me if I've had a pregnancy test done...obliviously I say no. She then tells me to go ahead and leave her a sample while she writes out the referral. I simply say ok..again I'm still oblivious.
I go and and take care of business ya know fill up the cup and not even a minute later I come out and Dawn wants a high 5??? HUH??? I think...could this be it? Nah..lol. I give her the high 5 and then say "what?" lol. The entire office knows me because they've been seeing me for 3 yrs now. By this time they are gathered. I must have had a blank look on my face cause they giggle. Dawn goes and gets the pregnancy test...expect this time POSITIVE and all I do is stare at it and even take a few steps back lol. I was in complete shock. You see, when you wait so long to conceieve you've had time to envision this momment, you've relieved it in your head, you've been almost tasted it. I thought I would cry, scream, jump, hug everybody but it was the total apposite. I was speechless, shaking, my heart was racing, felt my blood pressure drop, was pale white lol. Thinking...Susan doesn't believe it...Dawn holds my hand, looks at me into the eyes and says, "sweety, you're pregnant" WOW...I will never forget those words. So YES God has created life inside my womb:
By now...I'm starting to get it. She then thanks me for making her part of this journey..I apologize to her for bugging her for 3 years lol. She then says.....we didn't do it, you did it sweety. I didn't do it....GOD DID!!!!! She takes the chart and I see her write what seems like slow motion PREGNANT with a smily face. Now that made it official because I know that my chart is a legal document and she cannot lie on there lol. I got my book from Dawn, schedule my first doctor's appt. for August 11 where we're going to hear the baby's heartbeat (so amazing) and get our actual due date and all the testing done. The secreatary told me she felt like crying because she knew how much we wanted this baby. I walked out of that office a completely changed person. I saw in the truch for 30 minutes in total amazement that God had remembered us! Everything around me became a blur and it was just me, God and my baby who know lived inside of me. I totally cried out to the Lord but this time...happy tears, tears of joy, of gratitude because He had chosen my womb to hold a miracle....maybe a future King David, or a John the Baptist, a Moses, a Ruth or even an Esther. I then said, "what now?" where do I go, what do I do? I want to take this and run with it as if I won the gold medal in a race. Believe me...I won much more than that:D I wanted to buy something significant for my beautiful unborn child on the day we found out so I went to Walgreens and felt the need to truly confirm the news....I needed this so I bought more pregnancy tests and took them righ there. Yep....still positive!!! I then went ahead and made a very special purchase, the very first one for our baby. I will post about my purchase in the near future....need to work on it;D When I went up to the counter, I felt like I was going to explode so I told the very nice cashier..."I just found out that I'm pregnant!" I told her about our struggle and she was almost in tears to also hear about our miracle. God told me something very real, very special through her, "Your life will never be the same again" Wow......biy did I notice this right away, I felt different already..like a parent wanting to reach the stars for their baby! A parents wanting to teach this baby about all the goodness of the world, about a living God! My husband called me to ask me about the appt. I was dying to tell him but I knew that telling him the way God has instructed me to would be 100x's sweeter so I kept it form it. I then managed to drive home...ahhhhh was this drive sweet and different from all the other drives home.
These are all the pregnancy tests I took lol...SO YEP I'M VERY PREGNANT!!! Thank YOU Jesus, thank you my Lord and Savior for the wonderful miracle!!!!
We are so amazed to see that God remembered us! After many tears, many sleepless nights staying up wondering when, after many neg. pregnancy tests, many disappointments, many struggles to concieve, my husband also had several factors that affected our conception. At the very beggining of our journey I wasn't even ovulating since I've had hormonal issues since I was a baby, went through several rounds of Clomid, hormone injections, a failed artificial insemination. GOD and ONLY GOD made it happen!!!!! About a year ago, my husband called me and told me that the Lord spoke to him and told him we needed to trust Him 100% and that we needed to stay away from all the meds and procedures. I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me with authority through my husband so I agreed. God wanted ALL the glory and He got it. It's been a year since we decided to fully trust God but I honestly think it happened when I did my "Just want you to know" post where I talked about surrendering it all to God. That day after reading my post a couple of times...I cried out to the Lord and felt the need to fully surrender this womb to Him. It's His and I asked Him to do His will with it even if it meant never concieving.I cried out so much that when I stopped I simply laid there exhausted yet feeling free! So many times we want something and we want it now...we can be very selfish. Maybe God is simply waiting for us to lay it before the cross and walk away so He can make it happen with His strength. It gives me the chills to know that when I cried out to Him, He had already created life inside my womb. It also gives me chills to know that when we went to the arcade and I won a minnie mouse I said, "for our baby girl" I was already carrying our baby...WOW! Last week, I had the joy of spending time with very special children: Our baby cousin Daniel (twin to baby Emily) and friends Oliver, Niki, Madison.
Honestly when I held the babies, I felt somewhat different, I can't explain it, just felt different. Maybe a deeper connection? To think that when I held these babies in my arms, I had our treasure in my womb already. WOW! God is simply amazing!
We also know that this baby is a miracle baby and will be someone big for God because God is already using it to minister to so many people. My mom said she cried out to God a week before she even found out the news telling God to bless us with a baby, at least one even if she never got to meet it. My good friend Carla who had a miscarriage three weeks ago just called me and told me that she asked the Lord to please make it happen for us. That if she didn't get the opportunity to at least give us that joy! Our good friend Martin who are deployed in Iraq told my husband Manuel that one week ago he had a dream where Manuel was telling him that we were pregnant! My cousin Diana who's Catholic had lid a candle to God asking Him to bless us with a baby on the day we found out..she had no clue. My sis in law Veronica had told her kids the previous day that she was very happy her girlfriends were expecting but that the one thing that would make it so much sweeter, the cherry on the top, would be for us to concieve. She also told me that she wanted many things but that her most fervant prayer had been for us to have a baby. My friend Irene told me that ne night she dropped what she was doing and felt the need to pray for us to concieve. And the list goes on.....all these people's faith has been strength, theyare in awe because God heard their prayers, God spoke to their hearts, God is minsitering to so many people through this. That's why this baby is God's and He will do His will with it! I also know that many you my bloggy friend and family prayed for us and God heard every single prayer. THANK YOU so much from the bottom of my heart for interceeding for us! I pray that God blesses you for it<3 Thanx Jess for all your encouraging words, for sharing your testimony of hope as the Lord also blessed your womb so you could have Emmy and for cheering me on! Thanx Lisa for sharing this journey with me...I will pray, pray, pray for you so we can have big bellies together:D
The Lord put in my heart to call our babies our TREASURES! In order to find a treaure there is a:
~ Journey = our 3 yrs trying to concieve which I wouldn't change for the world! These 3 yrs got me on my knees, made me stornger, alloud me to hear God's voice, allowed me to see a very special side of God, made me humble and taught me all about patience, really makes this experience much more sweeter, helped me relate to Hannah and great woman devoted to God, as well as a great lifetime lesson...surrending it ALL to God!
~ Map = The Word of God.It's what I grabbed to when the going got a lil touch, it's what brought me so much hope and joy as I read about His wonderful promises and as He opened the ocean so His peaple could cross....I knew He could open my womb!
~ Reward = a treasure is something desired, hoped for, a treasure is precious, valuable, cherished. There's a long journey involved to ge to this treasure but you go through it all in order to find it and finally enjoy it! Our babies are our treasures from Heaven, right out of God's hands!
On the 11th we have our first doctor's visit to hear the heart beat, get testing done and get our actual due date. Lord-willing we will meet our miracle baby in:
GOD HAS THE VICTORY!!! He and only He created this life regardless of, His powerful is immesurable....unstoppable!
Today marks 5 weeks...35 to go Lord-willing. I pray constantly for our treasure!
WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!!!!! Can't contain the joy and gratitude to our Lord<3
Just for fun:
My 4 wk belly lol.....ahhhhh I dreamed of doing this so many times...WOOHOO!